You've changed me

I have a confession to make. I’m a hot tempered person. Oh yes I’m not joking about this. I’m a hot tempered person. I will raise my voice, shout and to a certain point I will throw stuff when things are getting on my nerves. I used to do all that when I’m angry at person or things, until that day….

I was alone at home with my five years old brother. Something happened that morning and I wasn't in a good mood, so I just stayed in my room and my brother was doing something. It was raining cats and dogs outside. Then the phone rang, it was my mom. She told me to make sure my brother took a shower before she reached home. He was watching cartoon on tv and I had no choice but to disturb him. He refused to go to the bathroom, stiffen his body and doesn't want to move a bit. I was a bit infuriated at that time with his attitude, so I pulled out the tv plug and took him to the shower.

After shower, I wanted to put on the clothes to him but still he stiffened his body and didn’t allow me to put on the shirt to him. Suddenly I exploded with anger, “KENAPA NI DANIAL!? KENAPA SUSAH SANGAT NAK PAKAI BAJU NI!? MANDI SUSAH, INI SUSAH~” I took a folding chair and hit it on the floor then I leave the room. After that there was a loud thunder sound and the main switchboard got tripped. I turned on the main switch and went to the room to check on my little brother, he was sitting in one corner of the room face down. I called my brother “Danial~” he looked at me with a sad face for a moment and then turned his face down again.

That is when I realized that I've turned into someone that I don’t want to be, someone who couldn't control his anger. I felt very guilty to my brother. He’s a down syndrome, he might not know anything or the reason why I became so angry, but I’m pretty sure from the way he looked at me that he was so scared of me. I don’t want to be like that. I walked to him, I sat next to him and I hugged my little brother, I hugged him tightly. “Sorry Danial~”

Since that day, bit by bit I try to learn to control myself when I’m angry. I don’t want to be a scary person, especially to my family. I’m supposed to look after him and protect my little brother. I’m all he has if my parents are not around anymore one day. Don’t worry Danial I will always look after you as long as I can till my last breath, you know why? Because you've changed me.

A.Khairul