Friday, September 20, 2013

Valley of Ambiguity

Many years ago when I was still in high school, I was very clear about my future planning, what I want to do later after finishing high school, then after graduating from college I hope to work at a place close to my hometown, then buy a car, later a house and only after that I will get married.

Those were my thoughts at that time. I was so naive to think that life is that simple like driving on a highway, everything will happen according to the plan, but I was wrong.

Sometimes when we drive on a highway, something  unexpected happen that leave us no choice but to take another route and to make a small amendment in our plan. And when we want to make that small amendment, once in a while we had to make small sacrifice.

For the past three years there are several important events that had occurred in my life. The truth may be hard to handle, even harder to accept. But Allah always has better plans for us. If it's meant to be, it will be.

But I never blame anyone, what else The Creator Himself for those unexpected things that had happened in my life. I take it as a challenge and as a motivation for me to be more prepared in the future.

Yes, this life is full of ambiguity. We don’t know what will happen in the future. People change. People live. People die. Things exist. Things disappear. Everything in this world is in motion. If we sit and do nothing we will be left behind. If we sit and do nothing we will lost in the valley of ambiguity.


Wednesday, September 11, 2013

You've changed me

I have a confession to make. I’m a hot tempered person. Oh yes I’m not joking about this. I’m a hot tempered person. I will raise my voice, shout and to a certain point I will throw stuff when things are getting on my nerves. I used to do all that when I’m angry at person or things, until that day….

I was alone at home with my five years old brother. Something happened that morning and I wasn't in a good mood, so I just stayed in my room and my brother was doing something. It was raining cats and dogs outside. Then the phone rang, it was my mom. She told me to make sure my brother took a shower before she reached home. He was watching cartoon on tv and I had no choice but to disturb him. He refused to go to the bathroom, stiffen his body and doesn't want to move a bit. I was a bit infuriated at that time with his attitude, so I pulled out the tv plug and took him to the shower.

After shower, I wanted to put on the clothes to him but still he stiffened his body and didn’t allow me to put on the shirt to him. Suddenly I exploded with anger, “KENAPA NI DANIAL!? KENAPA SUSAH SANGAT NAK PAKAI BAJU NI!? MANDI SUSAH, INI SUSAH~” I took a folding chair and hit it on the floor then I leave the room. After that there was a loud thunder sound and the main switchboard got tripped. I turned on the main switch and went to the room to check on my little brother, he was sitting in one corner of the room face down. I called my brother “Danial~” he looked at me with a sad face for a moment and then turned his face down again.

That is when I realized that I've turned into someone that I don’t want to be, someone who couldn't control his anger. I felt very guilty to my brother. He’s a down syndrome, he might not know anything or the reason why I became so angry, but I’m pretty sure from the way he looked at me that he was so scared of me. I don’t want to be like that. I walked to him, I sat next to him and I hugged my little brother, I hugged him tightly. “Sorry Danial~”

Since that day, bit by bit I try to learn to control myself when I’m angry. I don’t want to be a scary person, especially to my family. I’m supposed to look after him and protect my little brother. I’m all he has if my parents are not around anymore one day. Don’t worry Danial I will always look after you as long as I can till my last breath, you know why? Because you've changed me.


Monday, September 2, 2013

Tanda Putera: Perlukah dipolitikkan?

Pada 31 Ogos baru-baru ini, penulis berkesempatan untuk menonton sebuah filem tempatan yang telah mencetus kontroversi baru-baru ini iaitu Tanda Putera arahan Shuhaimi Baba. Sebenarnya, penulis tertarik untuk pergi ke panggung menonton filem ini setelah terbaca beberapa artikel dan rencana yang menyatakan filem ini tidak sesuai untuk ditayangkan di Malaysia, dan penayangannya sudah beberapa kali ditangguhkan akibat daripada isu kontroversi tersebut. Sebelum anda membaca dengan lebih lanjut, suka untuk penulis ingatkan segala yang diperkatan di sini adalah pandangan peribadi penulis sendiri dan mungkin akan ada sedikit kebocoran tentang plot filem tersebut.